A little lost sometimes - World Mental Health Day 2022

Today is World Mental Health Day across the globe, which here at Pocketworks we think is a very awesome thing in raising awareness. In order to honour the day, I wanted to write this article for any reader who may be struggling, giving a first-person insight into how mental health can affect you, and how you can work on healing yourself.

A startling stat is that 1 in 4 of us will experience a mental health problem of some kind each year, yet far too many suffer in silence. This is not right, it is not the way and I know this all too well.

I have suffered with my mental health for around three years now, the most acute of which has been this year itself. I can say that now and remain proud, but therein lies the problem. 

There is still a profound stigma to admitting to your friends, family and even more so your colleagues that you need help, particularly for a man. This needs to change and I hope that World Mental Health Day will help the stigma to fade. This is just my small part in that, based on my path to today.

The hard truth is, you might not see it coming

So how did I get here? Well, it is never by choice and from late 2019 I had one bad life event after another. They just kept coming and I could not stop them. The whole world then got sick with COVID and Lockdown ensued. 

It was suffocating at times, with bad days that bred worse behaviour. But generally, there were enough breaks and happiness intertwined for me to convince myself I was ok in the day-to-day. 

Sadly though, I very suddenly lost my Dad last year after a long illness. It was not anticipated and it happened ironically during a very happy period for me. I thought that I coped well at the time with arranging the funeral and all of that. However, I know now this is when the real foundations began to slowly crumble internally for me, breaking under the weight of the final tipping point.

This culminated earlier this year when a day came when I could not get out of bed, at all. We have all heard such stories, but I had always gotten out of bed, not this time though. My brain made a quiet but clever cry for help and picked a day that I could not hide from the world, and when I did those around me could not help but notice. Long story short, the day ended with both friends, and colleagues at my door looking for answers. 

This was the beginning of the path I am now on, the latest checkpoint of which is this article itself.

You are not alone

For anyone reading this who may be struggling, this is the most important part. 

You are not alone, I was not alone and from that fateful day on everyone who knew what was occurring pulled together. They wrapped their collective arms around me to form a protective shield that would not allow it to continue. 

They showed up because my actions forced them to, but do you know what? I know now they would have done exactly the same if I had just asked them by talking to them.

Far too many of us bring about change when we are broken because we are forced to by our actions that others cannot ignore. But we really do know deep down that we are falling apart, way before that. Change is harder the later you arrest it, but god knows I understand it is hard to open up.

I am lucky, I have a loving, extended family, some of the best friends you could possibly wish for, and colleagues that are a lot more than that, some more like family themselves. I also have an incredible son, and though we are no longer together, an amazing relationship with his Mum which is rare for separated parents.

Any single one of them would have taken my call, every single one of them would have listened, not judged and would have helped me had I tried. Every single one of them. And that is a fact.

But I reached out to nobody and eventually sank like a stone to the bottom. I do see some value in the theory that there is comfort in hitting rock bottom, as the only way is up. But trust me, I have been there and I don't want you to be.

You may also be like me, where historically you are the one that holds everyone up when the shit hits the fan, which makes you feel even less like opening up. But forget that now, it is just one of the many reasons the person you choose to speak with will go out of their way to help you. That is also a fact.

You need to reach out

So what happened next for me? I reached out, I talked and I listened. I heard what my GP had to say, the business reached out for Occupational Health support. It became known in all of the circles I mentioned above that I was unwell and that I needed help.

This help ranged from daily calls with people from within those circles, friends reaching out in dedicated WhatsApp groups, morning check-in calls with colleagues, medication, time out from work, meditation, journaling, grief counselling, a CBT course and even life coaching.

I changed my routine and behaviours, allowed new ways of thinking and accepted that there are many things I could do to help myself and brought them into my life, some of which I will go into further detail about later.

The biggest help of all though was being free to talk to people about it all, knowing everyone knew, and free of feeling like a burden or a letdown. Free of feeling like I was on my own, weak, stupid or a failure. All of these are normal thoughts when breaking, but fuck that, it is not the way.

And what did this bring? Change, really really positive and consistent change. I would like to say the brain heals itself like a broken bone and is stronger after the event.  I cannot say this, as I am no expert and I am still in the healing process. But what I can promise you is you will feel immense relief when you are no longer silently facing battles on your own. 

You will feel strength in numbers. You will feel protected. You will feel exponentially more powerful. And that is the best fact of them all.

Things that will help you with your day job

Ultimately you cannot hide how you are from work, you spend more time interacting with your colleagues than anyone else. It is likely they will see signs before you know they are there, mine certainly did. 

But if they don’t, please remember there will always be someone who can help you in every business you work for, big or small. Some useful tips from my experience would be:

• Speak to your business partner, colleagues or boss about how you are feeling. Have no shame. If you had a stomach ulcer or a broken leg you would not think twice about it, mental health is just the same. Reframe how you see it

• Ask the business to reach out for Occupational Health support, if they do not already have it. This process is amazing for the employer and employee and brings change at a very low cost

• Call your GP and be transparent with them, though the process is slow, there is free and very good counselling support out there, but they will not come looking for you

• If you are able, consider paid counselling but please be sure you are assessed first as you can only do one form of therapy at once, and you need it to be the right one

• I initially took on grief counselling as that was the clear and present danger in me, and then CBT as this is what the experts suggested. Your path may be different, but be open to them all

• Take time out. I know that when your self-worth is low taking time out will make you feel even more worthless but again reframe that. The business would rather have none of you for a period of time than have a deteriorating % of you for the unforeseeable future

• Change your hours, and work when you know you are at your best. Take breaks, take walks, and lose yourself in a box set for an hour. The business will not be chasing you down to do 9-5 and checking in every hour when they know you are healing

• Continue to always be transparent, if you are struggling on any given day, tell someone and then be kind to yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint

The road to your recovery, and how to help yourself

Once you have opened up, and begun healing it is important to focus on it, and make positive changes to your routine for maximum impact. There are many, but here are just a few examples that are working for me:

• Gain leverage in your recovery by considering how you want your life to be in a year's time, and journal it. Break it down into quarters and consider/set what milestones and achievements need to have happened in the next three months, to be a quarter of the way there. Then break that down into weeks, then into days. Then into today

• Plan every day in the mornings, journal what you want to achieve and measure it at the end of the day. Create a log of how things are improving or where you need to focus or do better and refer to it in the evening. This is your life story

• Exercise daily, your mental health needs physical input and it really does help

• If you think alcohol is helping you now I can assure you it is not, so cut it out or cut it back. But do not see this as a goal, as that just makes a big thing out of it. Instead, see it as a vehicle to achieving what you want, nobody is better at anything under the influence

• Eat well, your body and mind are at their best when you are fuelling properly. You don’t put diesel in a petrol car and expect it to perform better

• Think about what you read and watch, browse etc, your input is often your output in the end and please stop the doom scrolling of social media. That is never the real world, and don't believe the hype

• Consider your environment, especially if working from home. Are there changes you can make to enhance it or freshen it up? Make it your happy place, and if you have opportunities to go into an office more for work or even office share with another business then just try it

• Remind yourself of your passions, then go for them again, with an open mind and an open heart. Once you are healing those passions will feel like something again. The numbness does pass.

• Keep up with any counselling, coaching or therapy you are brave enough to start. But don't just be there in spirit, show up, own it and do the homework

• Trust the experts, I had one particular breakthrough and I told my grief counsellor at the time that it was like some kind of witchcraft! But it completely changed how I saw something in an instant. The relief I felt that day will come for you too

• Always try to do what you said you would, and be mindful of what you commit to. Make it achievable. The confidence this instils in others and most importantly yourself heals the soul

In Conclusion

We all get a little lost sometimes, but when it is more than that, and you will know when it is, then accept it. Embrace it, then act on it. There is no shame in any of this, ever. 

If you have read this and are struggling, please believe you can heal and start to do so one step at a time. Try to bring change when you are breaking and not actually broken. 

Talk to someone if you need to, literally today, right now in fact. Just do it.

No matter what, the sun will rise again and the world will keep turning, you deserve to be in it, and everybody wants you to be in it. 

You will be a better version of yourself in time, if I can do it then you can do it too.